"closer to myself"

Im awfully depressed. You can make me smile but it would only last a second. Its alright though I won't dote too much on a low note, Ill find something to keep myself busy. I'll paint if Im inspired enough and if I finally accept my sorrow, Ill hide away in the covers of some forgotten novel that'll fill me with fleeting contentment. Then afterwards Ill be angry, Ill lash out at all of you and deny that I ever felt lonely or lost or empty. Ill scorn the world and its numbing pretense and barricade myself in paranoia. I fear, with all this writing, has anyone figured me out? Have you realized who I am, what it is I think about, what I fear, what I love? No. Dont you dare try. I couldn't bare the thought of being completely understood. Well enough for now, we'll see how tomorrow's sun kisses the sky.